Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
