it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
