Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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