then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
