Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
