Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
