so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
