Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
