Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
