I wannas sexs uuuuu
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
