just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
