garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
