420 ftw
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
