i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I want is dick and wine.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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