last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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