belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
