this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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