FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
