allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
