I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
