mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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