we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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