these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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