is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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