I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
