dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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