the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
