Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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