the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
