Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
