Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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