how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
