i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%