how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
