I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
