Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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