i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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