I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this just has baby written all over it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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