member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
