our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
