Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
