if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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