We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
