I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
