you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
