hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
