I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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