Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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