her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
