Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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