I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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