My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
only you would photoshop your dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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