Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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