i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
