Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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