Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
