I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
