how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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