Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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