So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
