My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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