your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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