Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
