if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
